Saturday, February 10, 2007

Gnosis of the Child

Life as I know it is different now.

My new baby boy has brought so many new - maybe not new, but more enhanced - emotions and feelings into my atmosphere as of late. I never knew that I could love some other person quite as much as I do; an even deeper love than I feel for even myself.

Through the sleepless nights thus far (and the many to come), I realize that I don't take care of this little guy because I have to, but rather, because I feel impelled to. I feel no sense of "obligation" per se, but a more dignified sense of "want" as I watch my son scream his head off; I want to take care of him, to nurture him, and to raise him. And the scary part is that he's only a couple of weeks old.

I have to admit that there is a certain amount of uncertainty, an uneasy feeling that I don't know how well I'll do in raising this child, or even knowing how many mistakes I'll make (and I am quite sure I'll make more than a few mistakes). But these concerns are far outweighed by the buildup of pride I have for this beautiful child, my adoring son.

These feelings have left me to wander the halls of my thoughts, as of late. The love that I feel - through no force - for him almost seems to mirror to me a spiritual resonance. If I can love this child whom I've only held in my arms for two weeks now as much as I do, how much more so can the Divine share His love with the creation that has formed from His own love?

I feel a close connection in three ways right now, as I feel that I'm on the brink of an epiphany. I strongly feel my late father's love for me, through either my memories or a fine resonance that's left of him. I strongly feel the same protective love for my son that I felt from my dad - never being scared when I was around him (and hoping my son never feels scared around me). And these two, coupled, enhance the emotive waves I have felt with the Divine - hopefully, opening my own consciousness to newer spiritual levels.

The birth of my son has brought me here, to this path.. I only hope I can teach him to seek his path, and more than that - how to walk that path.

1 Comments:

At 7:55 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have said time and time again that you will make a great dad. You are already a wonderful husband, because of how much you love me. I can alonely imagine what you will be to him. With me being in and out of the hospital, and you having to completely take care of him, you have proved just that. The only thing I was scared about was not being there to watch him grow, and not growing old with you. I never worried about the way he would be raised or cared for. I knew that you would be able to raise a good man without me. I just wanted to be there. Now I'm all better, and we can do this together. You are already this best dad Joshua could hope for.

 

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